Having a "midlife crisis?

It might be costing you more than you realise

I'm 55.

Does that make me "midlife"? Am I approaching it, well past it, or somewhere in the middle of a series of midlife crises?

Have I already had mine? Is another one still to come?

And perhaps the bigger question...

What has it, or what will it, cost me?

My mum always used to say that middle age is whatever age your parents are.

She may have had a point.

After all, "midlife" isn't a fixed age.

What our grandparents considered middle-aged is very different to what many of us experience today. We generally live longer, stay healthier for longer and often work well into our sixties or beyond. A woman in her fifties today may still have children at home, a thriving career and decades of life ahead of her.

So perhaps "midlife" isn't really about age at all.

Perhaps it's about transition.

When we hear the phrase midlife crisis, our minds tend to jump to the stereotypes.

The sports car.

The motorbike.

The cosmetic surgery.

The expensive golf clubs.

The trekking adventure holiday across India, China, or tackling Machu Pichu.

The sudden fascination with completing a triathlon.

The dramatic career change, or a return to university (guilty as charged).

The jokes almost write themselves.

"He's having a midlife crisis."

"She's got more money than sense."

But I wonder if we've been looking at it all wrong.

Because those purchases aren't the crisis. They're often the symptom.

Behind them is usually something much bigger. Life...everyday life - or rather the events that life throws at us from time to time.

• A relationship ending.

• Children leaving home.

• Menopause, or peri-menopause.

• Bereavement.

• A career that no longer feels fulfilling.

• Redundancy.

• Caring for ageing parents.

• Retirement.

Sometimes these events happen one at a time.

Sometimes life decides to deliver several at once.

And when that happens, something else changes alongside our circumstances.

Our identity.

We suddenly don't quite recognise the person we've been for years.

We're no longer somebody's full-time parent.

We're no longer part of a couple.

We're no longer climbing the career ladder we spent decades pursuing.

We're no longer the youngest person in the room.

Or perhaps we're finally free to become the person we've always wanted to be.

That uncertainty can be exciting, but it can also be uncomfortable.

When we're in situations like this, our brains naturally look for ways to restore some certainty, confidence... and control into our lives.

Sometimes that means making changes that genuinely enrich our lives.

Other times it shows up in our spending.

• The sports car because the children have left home.

• The cosmetic procedure because the face in the mirror doesn't match how we feel inside.

• The expensive hobby because we finally have time to ourselves.

• The dream business because we've realised life really is too short.

None of these decisions are inherently right or wrong, and many become some of the best decisions people ever make.

The important question isn't what you're buying.

It's why you're buying it.

Is this an intentional investment in the person you're becoming?

Or are you hoping that by tapping your debit or credit card, the purchase will solve feelings that money was never designed to fix?

Because if it's the latter, there's a good chance the emotional relief will be temporary while the financial commitment lasts much longer.

Perhaps what we've spent decades calling a midlife crisis isn't really a crisis at all.

Perhaps it's an identity transition.

And if that's true, the real cost isn't just the sports car, the holiday, or the golf clubs.

It's the decisions we make before we've taken the time to understand who we're becoming. The impact of reacting rather than responding, or intentionally strategising.

A Money Brain Note:

The next time you're tempted by a significant purchase during a major life event or transition, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

"Am I buying this because it genuinely reflects the next version of me... or because I'm trying to escape the current one?"

The answer might tell you far more than your bank statement ever could.

Kim

Part of the ongoing Your Money Brain Notebook.